How Men Can Become More Aware of Their Emotions

written by MIKE MCCABE JR. | SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Just about every guy I’ve ever worked with as a therapist struggles with emotional self-awareness. For almost all of my life, I did too. The reasons for this are a a mix of nature and nurture, but the problem is certainly impacted by societal expectations that discourage our vulnerability and stunt our emotional expression.

Research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology points out something most guys probably know but don't talk about: we’re taught to bottle up our emotions, especially the ones society slaps a "weak" label on—like sadness or fear. The problem? That emotional lockdown makes it harder to figure out what we’re feeling and what to do about it. And it doesn’t stop there. A study in Emotion Review shows that being out of touch with your emotions ramps up stress, wrecks communication in relationships, and opens the door to anxiety and depression.

Bottom line: if you want to thrive—not just survive—in relationships, at work, or in life, getting a handle on your emotions isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s essential.

So where the f*ck do we start?!

A How-to Guide: Becoming More Self-Aware of Your Emotions as a Man

Let’s start with a definition: what is emotional self-awareness?

Simple—it’s the ability to actually know what’s going on in that head of yours. It’s recognizing when you’re angry instead of just “off” or understanding that the irritation you feel isn’t because the guy in front of you is driving slow, but because you’re stressed about work. Emotional self-awareness is about owning your feelings instead of letting them own you. It’s the first step to understanding why you react the way you do and figuring out how to respond better. Think of it as the difference between being the driver or just the passenger in your own emotional rollercoaster.

Here are three vital ways to help grow this muscle.

Step 1: Grow Your Vocabulary

We men have a very limited color palette when it comes to emotions. If you were going to ask your girlfriend or wife how she’s feeling, she could probably pick from 50 “feeling words” off the top of her head. Us guys? We use about five: happy, upset, frustrated, mad, excited. Well, I forgot “OK” (which is not a feeling!), but let’s call it six for sake of argument.

Becoming more emotionally self-aware is like learning a new language. And if you’re still on that sixth-grade Spanish level and can say “¿Dónde está la biblioteca?” that might get you to the library, but it’s not going to help you order a beer or ask a girl out.

So if we’re going to learn a new language, we need to grow our vocabulary.

The best way that I’ve found how to do this is with the How We Feel app (and no, I am not a paid spokesperson (but if they want to stroke me a check, please contact me!)).

I use this religiously with clients on this issue. Here’s how it works:

It pings you twice a day to check-in how you’re feeling
It starts by having you pick from a quadrant:

High Energy Pleasant
High Energy Unpleasant
Low Energy Pleasant
Low Energy Unpleasant

From there, it lets you choose from a spectrum of 144 feeling words

It’s also a helpful data collection tool, allowing you to look back over the last week or month and notice trends. How do I typically feel in the morning? After lunch? Before bed? Like anything, building emotional self-awareness is a skill that takes intentional practice. This is the best way to start.

Step 2: Practice Being Aware of Your Emotions with Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness is particularly important for men because it helps bridge the gap between physical sensations and emotional awareness, which many men struggle to identify due to societal norms that discourage emotional introspection.

Setting aside just 5–10 minutes daily for mindfulness meditation—focusing on breathing and observing thoughts and feelings without judgment—can be transformative. Mindfulness reduces emotional reactivity, making it easier to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. It also enhances awareness of subtle emotional states, allowing men to recognize and process feelings that might otherwise manifest as physical tension or stress, ultimately improving mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

I personally recommend the Headspace app which I’ve used for almost a decade, but a lot of good friends and clients say they love Waking Up with Sam Harriss as well.

Step 3: Work with a Therapist

Working with a therapist or coach is like having a personal trainer for your emotions—someone who helps you figure out what’s going on under the hood and shows you how to deal with it in a way that actually works. Let’s face it, most guys aren’t exactly taught how to deal with feelings beyond “suck it up” or “walk it off,” and that’s where a pro comes in. They’ll help you spot emotional blind spots, untangle triggers, and teach you tools like CBT or emotional intelligence skills that make life a hell of a lot easier. It’s not about lying on a couch and crying (unless you want to); it’s about getting real, improving how you deal with stress, and becoming better at handling relationships—without feeling like you’re winging it all the time. Think of it as an investment in yourself that actually pays off.

How Can I Get Started Today?

Download the How We Feel app
Set aside five minutes for a meditation
Book a Breakthrough Call with me to create a customized plan to master your emotions
Go over this checklist tonight 👇🏻

Daily Self-Awareness Checklist:

Did I notice and label my emotions today?
How did I respond to emotional triggers?
What emotions influenced my decisions and actions?
Did I take time to reflect on how I felt and why?

By consistently practicing these steps, you’ll gain greater control over your emotions and develop a deeper understanding of yourself. This self-awareness can improve your relationships, decision-making, and overall mental well-being.